


The Break

by Dat_awkward_fangirl



Category: Pain - Fandom
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 02:13:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18085451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dat_awkward_fangirl/pseuds/Dat_awkward_fangirl





	The Break

I don’t even know why. I feel like a algebra problem. Once you know the specific method to solve it, then all that’s left is applying it and taking the time. I can relate to that. But so far there has not been a lecture or a textbook that has shown me my method. The very specific method to fix my problems. I promise once I know it, I will take the time and apply it to myself. I just need to know how. How to connect again. How to feel like I’m living my life and not my life living me. How to feel like how I used to feel. Before the break. But I don’t even know what that was anymore. I watch my shows that are dramatic, sad, and full of angst. Also know as the CW. Some are the same shows I watched before the break. It’s like a new show all together. I watch these “teenagers” having awful lives with pain and loss, and I envy them. Because every time, there is someone there. It’s not just the one character feeling it alone. Even if there is no other character in the scene, we the audience are still here. Also, the pain they feel is beautiful. I’ve never known how to explain to others the beauty of the pain in my shows/movies/books. The best and most heartbreaking part is that eventually their pain goes away. No matter what they’ve been through, they always find a silver lining or the moment of clarity. I’m still searching for it and I feel like I’ve been lied to. That’s all I ever feel. I feel lied to. Every compliment: lie. Every smile: lie. Every moment of happiness: lie. Everything. I find myself lying in bed with my eyes either toward the ceiling or facing the pillow. I keep telling myself, “this is going to stop right? Someone’s gonna come fix me. The problem will end. That hollow heart feeling will be filled. The wait is agony, especially cause it hasn’t ended yet. Once I broke open, that was it. That made this be who I am now.


End file.
